| Home recording and general music post from the archived Yabb Recording Website Message Board. Some of the info here may be outdated but many of the audio recording and home studio tips are still good. Note: The only tags I made and attempt to convert are italics, bold, center and underline. So if you see some gibberish surrounded by brackets, just ignore it.
Recording Website Archived Yabb board Post
Febuary 2001 Yabb Message Board Archive
Subject: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You
by pafaustine | 05/06/01 at 07:07:17
Congrats on the move, Dan! This looks like a fine home for the Freedom Exchange!
Here's one to get me started (and to try out some board features). If I did this right, clicking on the title should kick off the RA stream.
All comments welcome!
[url=http://home.earthlink.net/~pafaustine/and_as_for_you.ram]AND AS FOR YOU[/url]
©Bob Pladek/Paul Faustine
VERSE 1
Pretty lady, pretty evening gown
Whatcha lookin for this part of town
You got company, but still alone
Tonight my song is free
Seen your type cross my path before
Need to feed your dark side just once more
And who can tell, maybe this one passion
Could turn love as well
CHORUS
And as for you
Keep on movin up that road
I won’t catch up to you
And here I’ll be
Trying to determine
What’s become of you and me
VERSE 2
Tell me what you want to of your life
Mother daughter sister lover wife
And tell me how the person that was you
Got lost ‘til now
Your eyes speak of a gentler time
Lines were smoother, life a simpler rhyme
Now you’re here exposed, it’s not your skin
But you you fear
CHORUS
VERSE 3
Hey I’ll dance with you in failing light
Fumble with your name all night
After all, what’s one more body
Matter in a fall
God she sleeps so peacefully
Slides between the sheets so easily
Tousled hair, all her own work though
My fingers weren’t there
CHORUS
And as for you
Keep on movin up that road
I won’t catch up to you
And here I’ll be
Trying to determine
What’s become of you and me
Yes here I’ll be
Writing songs and thinking hard of
What’s become of you and me
Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You
by DanGray | 05/06/01 at 19:14:13
All I wanna do is play guitar like you (Bob) and Tom Guertin, now, is that askin' too much? ::) I ask ya! hehe This is classic Faustine/Pladek. I got the feeling I wanted to hear a bridge somewhere, but the softer treatment of the last verse sort of stands in that way. Still, I wanted it! A nice story from a troubador to someone who needs a love song... nice idea. I've made a few comments throughout. In general, I like the artistic nature, but I still think I'd personally prefer to have some of it cleared up a tidge for the style. of course, it's all one man's opinion. Great to see ya Paul!
VERSE 1
Pretty lady, pretty evening gown
[color=Red]*was thinking "Hey" at the beginning second time through listening to it - makes it more personal and conversational I think*[/color]
Whatcha lookin for this part of town
You got company, but still alone
[color=Red]*without saying "you're still alone" I'm waiting for something else about HER here*[/color]
Seen your type cross my path before
Need to feed your dark side just once more
And who can tell, maybe this one passion
Could turn love as well
*[color=Red]turn "to" love?*[/color]
CHORUS
And as for you
Keep on movin up that road
I won’t catch up to you
And here I’ll be
Trying to determine
What’s become of you and me
[color=Red]*OK, so now its someone you know? that confuses me a bit, I thought it was a stranger til now*[/color]
VERSE 2
Tell me what you want to of your life
Mother daughter sister lover wife
And tell me how the person that was you
Got lost ‘til now
[color=Red]*not bad, but the last two lines might be more conversational*[/color]
Your eyes speak of a gentler time
Lines were smoother, life a simpler rhyme
Now you’re here exposed, it’s not your skin
But you you fear
*interesting double entendre, I like it I think*
CHORUS
VERSE 3
Hey I’ll dance with you in failing light
Fumble with your name all night
After all, what’s one more body
Matter in a fall
[color=Red]I like[/color]
God she sleeps so peacefully
Slides between the sheets so easily
Tousled hair, all her own work though
My fingers weren’t there
[color=Red]*ya lost me my friend. You're in bed, now you're not... hmmm*[/color]
Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You
by Jt | 05/07/01 at 10:26:38
Hi Paul,
I love the music and presentation on this song. But I had some trouble understanding just exactly who the "singee" was... like a one-night-stand or a long relationship? Verse 1 lead me to the former conclusion, then verse two (which I loved) led me to the latter... then verse three (which was really cool) left me totally confused :-) Its probably just that I'm totally dense, or that you've left things ambiguious on purpose.
Anyway, I enjoyed the listen.
Good work.
John
Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You
by DGR | 05/07/01 at 11:07:27
Very nice playing, and some unique phrasing as well. Like Dan, I think the song would have benefitted from a more "official" sounding Bridge, but a fine effort nonetheless ... very original.
Don Rowe
Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You
by Curtis Cameron | 05/09/01 at 00:24:59
Hi Paul,
I especially like the opening verse here. It paints a nice clear picture of the things. Just a few matters of "flow" that struck me as I read, and I've made a few suggestions below, also fixing what seemed to be one, perhaps two, typos.
VERSE 1
Pretty lady, pretty evening gown
Whatcha lookin for IN this part of town
You got company, YET YOU'RE still alone
YEAH, tonight my song is free
Your type HAS crossed my path before
You need to feed your dark side, just once more
And who can tell, maybe this one passion
Could turn TO love as well
Hmmm, the chorus here seems to leave the listener a bit lost...
I'm not sure who "You" is. Is it the pretty lady? And why does the singer, who seems to be attracted to her in the opening verse want her to keep moving up the road?
CHORUS
And as for you
Keep on movin up that road
I won’t catch up to you
And here I’ll be
Trying to determine
What’s become of you and me
VERSE 2
Tell me what you LIKE, TELL me of your life
Mother, daughter, sister, LONELY lover, wife
And tell me how the person that was you
Got lost ‘til now
Your eyes speak of a gentler time
Lines were smoother, life a simpler rhyme
Now you’re NAKED here, it’s not your skin
I FEEL YOUR fear
CHORUS
VERSE 3
YES, I’ll dance with you in failing light
Fumble with your name all night
After all, what’s one more body
Matter in a fall (Not exactly sure what this means here, then again...I'm not exactly sure I need to).
Hmmm, I really like the imagery on this next part and the "scene" it paints, but the sudden change in point of view doesn't seem to work for me. I think it might work if it were a bridge, but here I think it would work better if you could somehow make it present this from the same point of view as the rest of song. (The song starts out singing TOO the singee, but this stanza sings ABOUT the singee.)
God she sleeps so peacefully
Slides between the sheets so easily
Tousled hair, all her own work though
My fingers weren’t there
Yes here I’ll be
Writing songs and thinking hard of
What’s become of you and me
I love these last lines. They are so nice. In fact I like the song as a whole, except the two main things I mention; the chorus seems a bit disconnected, and the last part of the last verse takes a different direction. Hope you don't mind the minor suggestions in the lines. Not sure if they'll work for you or not. I made the change in the first line of verse two to coincide with the repetitive theme you started in V1, but I couldn't swing it in V3. Season to taste and keep or sweep as you like. :)
Nice stuff Paul,
Curtis
Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You
by Curtis Cameron | 05/09/01 at 00:39:16
Hi Again,
Well, I went back and read the other reviews and gave the RA a listen. I wanted to look at the lyric first before I did that so as not to prejudice my view.
Dan hit on the description that I was searching for in this lyric. he really nailed the essence that I like about it and that is; it's "artistic" in it's approach, and I appreciate that.
The music and vocal delivery do a lot to smooth out the areas I commented on.
Now listening to the RA (again), I love the opening lines and verse again. I'm not sure if my suggestions would fit as they lengthen things syllabically (actual word?). :P
Again though, the chorus seems to take a bit of a left turn. The title and hook just don't seem to mesh with the verses. SOUNDS good though! :)
Curtis