Subject: "In the Golden Age"
Posted by: Michael Fortunato |
Hi Folks,
Appreciate any feedback on this song, Thanks mike
In The Golden Age 
Michael Fortunato (c)2002
V1
There's a real longing down in people's heart
That becomes clearer as things fall apart,
All through history their hope's for the best
When the world would be at peace and at rest,
Chorus
In the golden age
In the golden age
Looking for the golden age
that is yet to come,
V2
We share in this great hope we struggle to see
Holding onto our dreams of a world that's free,
Yea, we taste the good life smell the roses too,
Still we're left wanting something lasting and new,
Chorus
In the golden age
In the golden age
Looking for the golden age
that is yet to come,
Bridge
'Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
On earth as it is, in heaven' (1)
V3
In that beautiful time that awaits for those:
'The branch of the Lord will blossom like a rose' (2),
'His glory will fill the earth as waters cover the sea' (3)
Life will reach the stage it was meant to be,
Chorus 2x
In the golden age
In the golden age
See you in the golden age
that is yet to come,
1. Luke 11:2
2. Isaiah 4:2
3. Hab 2:14
|
Subject: Re:"In the Golden Age"
Posted by: jwitheriterieg |
| Nice work here. Since lyrics aren't my strength, I'll stay away from critiquing, but I do like the biblical quotes included. That should set this tune away from most. Nice work. |
Subject: Re:"In the Golden Age"
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
Hi, Michael. I think verse one starts off well, very inclusive.
Verse 2 is where things seem to get weak and trite, IMO. I think you've either glossed over this verse or you're having some problems expressing what you want to express. At least, that's where I'm left when I read the verse.
Specifically:
"holding on to our dreams of a world that's free" just doesn't seem to connect to verse one. I don't get what it's free "from". It seems like a throwaway line.
"Yea we taste the good life, smell the roses, too" -- this also doesn't seem to match up with "things fall apart" in verse one. The stock phrases "taste the good life", "smell the roses" just blur the focus and make the song get very vague at this point.
"Still we're left wanting something that's lasting and new" -- hmm... "lasting and new".... if I think about it for a bit I think you're using "new" in the sense of "different" or "other than what we have now". But the first sense I get is that the two words don't pair well together. I don't usually expect something new to last, if you catch my drift. it just feels like a reach for a rhyme rather than a content-driven line.
Third verse would play well in a church, and I imagine that's your target audience here, so I don't have a problem with it.
I'd really encourage to re-work that second verse and bring it up to the clarity and connectedness of the first verse.
Hope that helps.
-- James
|
|
