Subject: Kinda different, Just my love of nature & music
Posted by: sippi |
This old guitar, gets me through life
Sometimes it talks to me late in the night
Its always a friend, and never says no
This old guitar goes everywhere I go.
Up in the mountains, we talked to the trees
As a chorus of angels, sang in the breeze.
The thunderous roar, came from the falls
And echod around us from the tall canyon walls
Out in the prairie, on a hot summers eve
You can always find us, findin room to breath
Storm clouds playin percusion, and conducting the grass
sounds of simple chimes, playin on the glass
Theres a song in everything
its natures own way
Of making a harmony
out of each day
If you listen real close
You may find it too
The sounds of composers
all aroud you.
This old guitar, gets me through life
Sometimes it talks to me late in the night
Its always a friend, and never says no
This old guitar goes everywhere I go. |
Subject: Re: Kinda different, Just my love of nature & musi
Posted by: old_dan |
nice. I really like it. A little clunky in a couple of spots tho.
For instance:
Out in the prairie, on a hot summers eve
You can always find us, findin room to breath
The repitition of find is cool and breath and eve are a good rhyme but the sum of the parts is not greater than the whole  It sounds a little contrived. And the rest of the song has a very breezy conversational feel.
Storm clouds playin percusion, and conducting the grass
sounds of simple chimes, playin on the glass
A change you may want to consider - replace and with wind.
One more.....
Up in the mountains, we talked to the trees
As a chorus of angels, sang in the breeze.
to keep it in the present tense
Up in the mountains, we talked to the trees
A chorus of angels, singing in the breeze.
And I'm assuming
Theres a song in everything
its natures own way
Of making a harmony
out of each day
If you listen real close
You may find it too
The sounds of composers
all aroud you.
is the chorus (very good btw) You might want to think about adding are to 'all around you'.
I would suggest you change the structure to
Verse 1
Verse 2
Chorus
Verse 3
Chorus
repeat Verse 1
I know this seems like a lot of changes, but not really. Just some minor tweaks. These are some really good lyrics. You have music yet?
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