Subject: Made up in my head
Posted by: keyboardfreak |
HI ALL!!! im a 15 year old male from the uk, and love to songwrite. Since i am so bored and there is nothing to do, i have decided to make up a song on the spot. Here goes... tell me what you think...
Lyrics Copyright Rob Butler 2002.
1st verse
Many people we can see
Everyday no-one is free
Life is death outside a hole
Free the sins inside my soul
2nd verse
Love and laughs we all can share
Al Capone and Fred Astair
We give hate to all of those
More well-off than no-one knows
Bridge 1
Cruelty to animals
Facelifts going wrong
There's graffiti on the walls
Freedom is a song
we all can sing
Chorus 1
The world is falling deeper down into a darker light
Nobody can understand why everything is not quite right
The greedy people in this world they do not understand
All they give to us is hate the love comes from
The Holding Hand
Verse 3
42 meaning of life
666 gives fear so rife
Contradicting all we say
We must live like yesterday
Bridge 2
Genetically modified
Hunger on the wall
AIDS disease which kills a life
All of these which
we must sing but
Chorus 2
The world is falling deeper down into a darker light
Nobody can understand why everything is not quite right
The greedy people in this world they do not understand
All they give to us is hate the love comes from
The Holding Hand
instrumental
bridge 3
Choosing sexuality
Satanists are wrong
All of these are points of view
Freedom is a song
We all can sing
Chorus 3 (repeat twice)
The world is falling deeper down into a darker light
Nobody can understand why everything is not quite right
The greedy people in this world they do not understand
All they give to us is hate the love comes from
The Holding Hand
Well, there we go... took me ten minutes... please reply and tell me what you think. Looking at it i think they are one of my best lyrics. I also write the music, so i will have to get some music posted. Anyway, any feedback will be appreciated
Thanx (from a dreaming 15 year old)
Rob
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Subject: Re: Made up in my head
Posted by: keyboardfreak |
Hi this is rob again, the guy who posted the above. i noticed one mistake in the chorus. I will rewrite it with the added phrase IN BLOCK CAPITALS
Lyrics Copyright Rob Butler 2002
The world is falling deeper down into a darker light
Nobody can understand why everything is not quite right
The greedy people in this world they do not understand
All they give to us is hate the love WE FEEL comes from
The Holding Hand
there we go, i only added two words, but the ring to the song is perfect now.
Thanx
Rob
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Subject: Re: Made up in my head
Posted by: keyboardfreak |
Hi this is rob again... Sorry i keep changing my mind. here we go again
lyrics Copyright Rob Butler 2002
Chorus
The world is falling deeper down into a darker light
How nobody can understand why nothing's ever right
The greedy people in this world they do not understand
How all the love we feel comes from The Holding Hand
OK THATS RIGHT, because "from the holding hand" is half the speed of the other syllables, so its ok now.
Thanx
Rob
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Subject: Re: Made up in my head
Posted by: RobertK |
I like your spirit, kid. You can sling words and rhyme convincingly, and it shows you paid some attention in school.
Now reign in some of that exhuberance - piecing together errant thoughts and words merely because they rhyme isn't what true songwriting is about (notwithstanding those interminable Billy Joel/REM type of list songs).
Choose a topic of narrow scope yet universal identifiability, find a hook phrase/title, and then spin a tightly cohesive three verses + chorus and/or bridge around them.
Of course, the fact that you do your own music helps tremendously, so let's hear some of that as well.
These ten-minute drafts rarely mean much, as you yourself have seen with the several rewrites you've already done.
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