Subject: If only we took the time to look: Please review
Posted by: Michael Fortunato |
The Time to Look 
2002(c) Michael Fortunato
V1
This life is far too short
Our nation's under threat,
So let's make the most of
The time we have left,
Lift
Maybe what really matters
We need to realize,
Has always been right here
In front of our eyes,
Chorus
If only we took, the time to look
If only we took, the time to look,
We'd might see [ the face of our love]
If only we took, the time to look,
V2
But we've been so darn busy
We lost sight of our dreams,
We never saw [the ground] coming
Living beyond our means,
Lift
Maybe what really matters
We need to realize,
Has always been right here
In front of our eyes,
Chorus
If only we took, the time to look
If only we took, the time to look,
We'd might see [ the face of our love]
If only we took, the time to look,
Bridge
We could go for a long walk
Down by the riverside,
Just sit back on the bank and talk
Share our how we feel inside
Lift
Baby what really matters
I now realize,
Has always been right here
In front of our eyes,
Chorus
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Subject: Re:If only we took the time to look: Please review
Posted by: old_dan |
I like it Michael. :thumbsup: Very poignant(sp?). And very true. The chorus I might change to this:
Chorus
If only we took, the time to look
If only we took, the time to look,
We might see [ the face's of love] or
We might see [ our face's of love]
If only we took, the time to look,
Also, I'm not sure of the Our nations under threat line. That idea is getting kinda overused. But not sure what to change it to cuz I like the next two lines.
Quibbles I know, but I think this is one of your better ones. |
Subject: Re:If only we took the time to look: Please review
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
Hi, Michael. I like this -- simple message, very clear, has a good feeling to it.
I stumbled over that "nation's under threat" thing, too. Seemed to be thrown in there. I think the message is much more timeless than the current circumstances. Also, with that line in the second line position (a key "framing" line for the rest of the song), it seems like there would be follow-up somewhere in the rest of the song, but there isn't. I'd vote for replacing it.
The chorus seems a little awkward to me -- the word "look" is a hard one to hold out and a rough one to end a line with. That explosive "K" sound brings everything to a halt. I really like the "took/look" play, though. Maybe something like:
If we took, took the time to look,
We would see the face of our love.
If we took, took the time to look,
We would see the face of our love.
The first line would be short, crisp, and the second has some nice long vowels "ee - ay -- ah (or uh, depending where you live)." Just a thought.
The second verse with "never saw the ground coming" feels a little odd. Not sure how that links with the rest of the verse. Something like "we've borrowed on our future to live beyond our means" or "we've given up our spare time to live beyond our means" would fit there. YOu know, some idea about giving up the "slow time", the moments on the couch or on the porch with our family, just to make more money. Boy, do I relate to THAT! Your bridge pulls that in nicely.
It would be nice to hear this one. Do you have a recording of it?
-- James
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