Subject: Writing to an existing melody
Posted by: snabbu |
Hi All
I was reading the writes and rewrites of Kenna writing to an existing melody written by someone else I’ve only done this once and it was quite hard to do, I suppose it’s up to how the tune smith writes what the structure is etc.. Anyway I thought I’d post this in sympathy I know what your going through.;)
This was one I did with the folks over at Rec Music Makers Songwriting There were four people involved one guy wrote the tune another did the arrangement I wrote the lyrics and someone else sung it.
It’s a bit of a rough work tape and there are some timing errors in it, I am half way through
producing a tighter version of it.
The work tape version is at sound click on this link
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/collaborationmayhem_music.htm
It’s the first song on the top of the page called “I lost track of time (final mix)”
The lyrics follow below
cheers
Gary
[Verse one]
Hello, I wish I could be there
So cold here in England the butterflies are grey
I Know it’s late and your sleepy
Today is the weekend, so sleep in anyway
[Pre chorus]
Oh God, I’m so sorry, it’s your Sunday
I lost track of time
[Chorus]
Will you look for me, in the sky
As a cloud floating bye
I'll be watching for you too
You, I’m missing you
Never felt like this before
[Verse two]
So I guess I should go now
It’s late and you're tired I've no news any way
Sometimes I forget that I love you
It takes separation, or at least that's what they say
[Pre chorus]
Oh God I’m so sorry, I’m rambling
I lost track of time
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
Enemy, of a traveling man
Never felt like this before
Emergency I’m on shifting sand
Never felt like this before
Ever see?
Such a lonely dead on his feet
Nearly out on the street
Almost no one to meet
No plan
(Enemy, of a traveling man)
[Pre chorus]
Oh God I’m so sorry, I’m rambling
I lost track of time
[Chorus]
© Gary C Yeomans |
Subject: Re:Writing to an existing melody
Posted by: songstress51 |
sorry I am just seeing this post. You all did a GREAT job on this collaboration. Its a really good song. I love the melody.
The strings arrangement is really smooth.
Let me know when you get another arrangement of it. I am wondering how it could improve! :thumbsup:
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Subject: Re:Writing to an existing melody
Posted by: snabbu |
There are a few timming things and the seperate parts run into together which dosn't quite work because when the rythem changes from say the build to the chorus for example you need to have a bar of instrumental to get into the next part with the maximum effect. So it is just small things like that. I think it is 90 percent right.
Cheers
Gary |
Subject: Re:Writing to an existing melody
Posted by: Jt |
Hi Gary,
Just gave this a listen. Vocals are great! You've got a real Elton John feeling (and sound) going there - I love it.
I noticed some of the timing things - but they're minor and easily fixed. What I really liked was the acoustic sound to the beginning of the song. I think when you brought the full orchestration in... it was a bit overdone - JMHO. I like the string parts alot, but... it just sounded like you were trying too hard... know what I mean? You need some of it, but I'd suggest toneing it down some - 'specially the precussion. Let that guitar sing.
Great lyric. I just reread the post - thought it was you doing the SINGING. You did the lyric - love the concept. Wonderful job.
Its hard to collab. Lots of back and forth. But this one is really coming together. You have to decide where you want to take it - not an easy thing to do when several people are involved. Ok - and again, this is JMHO - I think the lyrics are right on, the tune is strong, the vocals are wonderful, but the arrangement needs some work, yet...
I sure enjoyed hearing it, and hope to hear more. Good luck with whatever you decide.
John
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Subject: Re:Writing to an existing melody
Posted by: snabbu |
Hi John
Thanks for the listen and the nice comments, you are quite right about the collab dificulty thing when I said I wasn't entirely happy with the final result and wanted a re-arangement actually I played my workfile to Franklin who wrote the melody and I don't think he liked it much. I am hearing it as a piano song and different from him I guess.
We will just have to have two versions.:-)
Cheers
Gary |
Subject: Re:Writing to an existing melody
Posted by: old_dan |
Hey Gary,
agree with John about the arrangement. One other thing I didn't like was the lack of an intro. I'm not real big on intro's myself but I think it's needed here. And IMNSHO you can drop the drums.
And I'm a little confused by these lines:
I Know it’s late and your sleepy
Today is the weekend, so sleep in anyway
[Pre chorus]
Oh God, I’m so sorry, it’s your Sunday
I lost track of time
Weekend and Sunday mean the same to me  . I would have gone with Monday to give it more of the out of step feeling that's evident thru out the song.
But this is a cool song, I like it. It's even more impressive knowing how many folks worked on it. I'd like to hear more of your stuff.
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Subject: Re:Writing to an existing melody
Posted by: snabbu |
Hi Dan
The explination is it is an Australian lyric so it's written upside down:-)
It is late Sunday night she has been woken by the phone he being in England thought it was Saturday night because it is Saturday in England.
So therefore she has to get up early the next morning Monday for work where as he thought she could sleep in the next morning being Sunday.
The song was written from a southern hemisphere prospective where we are a day ahead of the UK.
It is the weekend for both of them the mistake he has made is
that it is Sunday night in Sydney not Saturday night, you can only hear one side of the phone converstion I imagine she has said something along the lines of "you goose don't you know what time it is it's 11.30 Sunday night"
When I wrote it I was concerned because the whole concept of the time zones day shift thing is specific to Australia and New Zealand I think and the Franklin who wrote the tune is in America and the Morgan who did the arranging is in England the guy who sung it I think is in Denmark so I thought there might be a problem with the whole concept. I nearly did something else and set this lyric aside for another tune, but Franklin liked the lyric so that's what we did.
It is interesting as to the process of this when I was asked to do the lyric I got a midi file from Franklin with a verse, lift a chorus and a bridge melody along with a pad chord track. With a set of notes to say which bit was which, I then wrote the lyrics and labled the parts and sent it to Morgan who did a scratch arrangement of it one with a guide vocal one music only, I then made a vocal demo using the backing track to demonstrate the phrasing, he then did his final arrangement and sent it all off to the vocalist to do his bit then Morgan mixed it. After all this when I wanted to do some tweaking to the arrangement I think everyone else had had enough and thought it was good enough as it was, so I have to do the fixing myself which I will do eventually.
Thanks for the listen
Cheers
Gary
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