Subject: review please and comment
Posted by: E mage |
I have been working on this song and i'm going to record it for my demo. Tell me what you think and what i need to improve on.
"Special Friends"
way back when
when we were friends
I never thought the day would come
but here we are as one
sharing a new type of love
with different feelings
and a new meaning
Chorus
funny what love can do
make two people come 2gether
as 1 instead of 2
now everything is gonna change
never again will it be the same
cause we are more than friends
verse
I can recall
giving up on love
then you stepped in
and gave me a new look at love
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Please comment and feel free to add any line or a hook that may make this song a hit. Thank you. |
Subject: Re:review please and comment
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
E mage: I think you could work on some more specific images in the song. Also, if you're going for a commercial sound, you could use some more standard structure elements -- verses with similar lengths, maybe a bridge.
What you have here is a good "background story" for your song. It tells in general terms what happened, how it changed, and what they now look forward to. The next step is usually to create some specific incidents that illustrate this story.
Think of it almost like reading the "plot" or "synopsis" of a film vs. reading the "script" of the film. To really punch this up, you need to take the plot you've laid out here and write a script that follows this plot.
At least, that would be my suggestion.
Are you fairly new to songwriting? There are some great books that help you develop the craft side of things. There's an awful lot of work to writing a hit, but whatever you do, keep on working at it!
-- James
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Subject: Re:review please and comment
Posted by: E mage |
| thank you for the comments. to amswer your question, yes i am very new to writing songs. i have looked into books but i haven't found any good ones. |
Subject: Re:review please and comment
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
Have you tried "The Craft of Lyric Writing" by Sheila Davis? Good book with interesting exercises. If you're looking to write popular hits, I hear Jason Blume's "6 Steps to Songwriting Success" is good, although I haven't read it yet. I'm sure other people on the board could recommend some good books as well.
-- James
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