Subject: Lucidia
Posted by: DanGray |
It feels so good to be back!
So...
Where's Dan Been? Let's see... the Reader's Digest version is...
about a year and a half ago I started really buckling down on the recording. Mostly I was after technique. This didn't leave me much time to write or maintain the board community. It did however improve my recording somewhat. The mistake was recording all those other bands. I just got totally burnt and blocked. Then 9/11 hit… and well… you know… and then for the last six months I’ve done absolutely nothing with music.
Some time ago (note the copyright date), My friend Monty Siren and I wrote and recorded this little ditty. I needed a break. I sure appreciate OldDan and all of your indulgence. I started guitar lessons recently and now it’s time to get back to songwriting and recording!
This is the last thing I recorded. I've remixed it a bit. The vocals are scratch and the lyrics aren't quite done yet, so feel free to comment. Lucidia is a fictional character and is a metaphor for the opposite of depression.
It's great to be back. I'm going to start with this song and ease back into it.
Feel free to read, listen, comment... etc. (I should have the link to the song up in a follow up below as soon as I get it uploaded)
thanks
Dan
Lucidia
Copyright 2001
Words – Dan Gray
Music – Dan Gray and Monty Siren
(Monty Siren on guits and keys…the boy can play a little bit heh?)
(recorded on the PC and all plugins for effects)
I know a place inside where people hide
And never seem to live or die
In darkness the curtains drawn up tight against the swirling of the world outside
I long for crispy air to cool me deep within when I drink it from the night
Picture perfect scenes that never were seem to fade
And often blur in this light
Can you cover me with the magic of this life?
Can you wrap up in time and Carry Me Away
Can you hold me in this life and show me all the day
Chorus
Lucidia, Your the light of day
(Carry Me Away)
When I hold you, deep inside
my world just lightly melts away
Well you're all that I been waiting for
When I hold you, you're my whole world
(Carry Me Away)
Lucidia, you're the light of day
(Carry Me Away)
When it's all that I have lady
When there's nothing left inside
without you
When it's all that I have lady
(Carry Me Away)
Most of the chorus lines were freeformed during the scratch vocal recording and they change during the song… I’ll be updating these somewhat. I do like the hook though (and the callback, carry me away)
I live, away away from where I used to be and now it's all I know
Can you, give me what I need so I can breath in and feel the world
Have I, never seen the way you look at me when we are alone
Can you hold me oh so tight and Carry Me Away
Can you wrap me up in life and show me all the day
|
Subject: Re:Lucidia
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
Welcome back, Dan! Good to see you! Now it seems like home again.
I'm really interested in hearing how this song fits together. Certain phrases strike me as really strong -- "against the swirling of the world outside" (great image!) -- and others don't seem to have that same punch -- "hold me in this life and show me all the day". Without the music, I'm not clear on how the words after the chorus work.
Looking forward to hearing the recording!
-- James |
Subject: Re:Lucidia
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
Wow! I forgot how much I liked your voice, Dan. How do you DO that? Very impressive.
I'm no expert in styles, but the music in the beginning has a very contemporary, alternative style. But in the "lift" or pre-chorus, the eighth-note pattern sounds sort of 80's to me. Don't count on me for that -- check it out with people who have much better ears. But I think there is a bit of a disconnect between the verse and the pre-chorus in style.
Even after hearing it, the "all the day" seems weak compared to the lines around it.
Boy, but *polished* on the production aspects, Dan. Maybe someday I'll get there.... I don't hold out a lot of hope for it, though. I'll just have to hire people with your skills. :^) If I'm lucky.
Very cool!
-- James |
Subject: Re:Lucidia
Posted by: chadg |
Hey Dan,
I’ve been in a bit of a funk (writing wise) and have immersed myself in job – so I can relate.
Great stuff here – as usual. While the chorus is catchy and would probably be very commercial (not to mention a great showcase for your vocs), I was especially impressed with the verses - the melody and delivery are great – reminds me a bit of Sister Hazel. Definitely an alt/acoustic feel that I love (though that's confused a bit in the pre-chorus).
Well, there’s certainly not much to nit here. While some phrasing seems a bit odd or hangs there when read (‘lightly’ melts away) – it’s pretty d**mn tight when you hear the muse.
Great guit – great vocals. Well done!
Gosh, it's so Nice to hear you again!
Chad
|
Subject: Re:Lucidia
Posted by: snabbu |
Hi Dan
Firstly overall impressions were very good.
Something was bugging me and then I realized what it was the truncation of the second verse and I wonder why? this variation of the verse motive which only appears in verse one is very nice it adds contrast has a nice harmony part and leads so naturally into the build. I am talking about this part
“Picture perfect scenes that never were seem to fade
And often blur in this light
Can you cover me with the magic of this life?”
I feel there is a natural seeming repetition for this in the second verse
Something along the lines of
“Picture perfect dreams that never were, seem to fade
And and disappear into the night
Rediscover with me the magic of this life?”
Or whatever but I would like to hear it in there. Because you have the Day thing in the build and putting in a bit of night would lead in nicely for me image wise as well as not wasting such a nice bit of melody.
It is interesting that you have very long lines in the verse but it works well. I feel that is a function of the pause in the phrasing early in the lines like after the words “I know” “In darkness” etc.
Whatever it is it works and that’s a nice technical feat.
The rhyme scheme of the first three lines of the first verse is AAA
nicely not all perfect either. There is also the good internal in the first line with the “inside”/ “hide” which is close enough to the “die” to make it a very nice structure being a bit of a patterned rhyming freak
I wanted that to happen in the second verse which is AXA without the internal.
“I live, away away from where I used to be and now it's all I know
Can you, give me what I need so I can breath in and feel the world
Have I, never seen the way you look at me when we are alone”
The pattern manic in me wants to change the first line to
“I live, away away from where I should have stayed and now it's all I know” to keep the internal pattern happening.
The next line is so great the pattern mania has been overcome to a degree but I have gone scurrying to verse one to see if line two there could be de rhymed thereby making a perfect pattern but it can’t because it is great as it is too.
The chorus lyric is still developmental but there’s enough good stuff there to make it work well.
The melodies are good and they are very nicely delineated between the parts using rhythm, the song climbs nicely to the chorus which is up the top of the range with a more soaring melody in contrast to the linear feel of the build so all that works very well.
I think the arrangement suits it well and there are some good things happening it builds towards a climax and ends up being quite frenetic
at the end I am sure I can hear the kitchen sink in there :-)
I do feel it peaks too early and the build up should be slower or start later with only the last say thirty seconds being really manic. As it is it’s up there hammer and tong for a minute and 15 seconds and I felt that was too long maybe by half a minute I love the way the song ends it’s
so “Cheap trick” doing John Lennon, like “If you want my love you’ve got it” or whatever it was called.
The performance is great.
The mix I would have liked a little more boff and sizzle in the drums but other than that sounded pretty good to me.
In summary I think it’s a dam fine song and I have downloaded it to my hard drive and that is a rare thing to happen.
Thanks for the opportunity to listen I enjoyed it a lot.
Cheers
Gary
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/garyyeomans.htm
http://www.mp3.com/artists/188/gary_yeomans.html
|
Subject: Re:Lucidia
Posted by: DanGray |
Wow! Thank you very much for all the very constructive critiques. They are very much appreciated. Sorry I haven't been able to respond sooner, but I'm afraid I'm away this time on a non-voluntary break that should last no more than the next week or two. I'll see you then. Keep up the good work, and again, thanks!
|
Subject: Re:Lucidia
Posted by: songstress51 |
hello Mr. Gray
I tried to listen to this, but my computer has been reconfigured lately to include going direct to my mp3player instead of downloading to disk, so I gotta get that worked out so I can really download this one. I don't have a high speed connection, so streaming is not an option. :cry:
What I did hear, by means of 2 second intervals, sounded great. I think the lyric is great, and will be back to comment more after I get this downloaded. hehe
song |
Subject: Re:Lucidia
Posted by: Jt |
HiDan,
Holy Molly!
Wish I could do that!
No nits - except that the first verse could be cleaner. Everytihing else carried me away. Great job!
|
Subject: Re:Lucidia
Posted by: old_dan |
hey Dan, cool. Pretty much what all the other folks have said. One or two things I noticed, the recording is very Phil Spector sounding (wall of sound).
(recorded on the PC and all plugins for effects)
you know you didn't need to use all the plugins.
still trying to pull out the 'hidden' thought. When I do perhaps the beginning won't seem quite so rushed. I get out of breath just listening. 
|
Subject: Re:Lucidia
Posted by: songstress51 |
I love the vocal layering on this. Great arrangement...
I dig this song....I love it, but I know from a commercial standpoint it is over a minute too long...I say keep the vocals kickin on the first two choruses and fade out with the guitar solo kickin ass as it fades away into the sunset... Leave us wanting more of it. of course, that is just MSO...
(my stupid opinion)
|
|
