Subject: Up to...the Time of the End: Please review
Posted by: Michael Fortunato |
Up to...the Time of the End
2002(c) Michael Fortunato
V1
I don't wanna see, earth shake anymore
I don't wanna hear, of wars or rumors
But I'm afraid that, this will be a trend
Up to...the time of the end,
V2
Even though I can fly, pass the speed of sound
See [brilliant cities] rise, the whole world 'round
[These last days] will grow, more decadent...[or People's ways???],
Up to...the time of the end,
Chorus
Up to the time of the end
Up to the time of the end,
'God now commands, all men to repent' --Acts 17:30
Only those who believe, receive Jesus Christ
Won't be caught by surprise,
V3
While all eyes are, on the Middle East
There's a profound, feeling of unease,
From now on things will, steadily worsen
Up to...the time of the end,
Chorus
Up to the time of the end
Up to the time of the end,
'God now commands, all men to repent' --Acts 17:30
Only those who believe, receive Jesus Christ
Won't be caught by surprise,
Tag
Get ready get ready, God's word is clear
The end of man's age, is drawing near,
Only those who believe, receive Jesus Christ
Won't be caught by surprise,
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Subject: Re:Up to...the Time of the End: Please review
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
Hey there, Michael. Glad to see you posting again. It got pretty quiet here for awhile.
I don't know what the music might be like for this, but just reading it as a lyric there seem to be some forced rhymes where the naturally stressed syllables are out of sync:
"anymore / rumors"
"worsen / end"
It seems like these would be pretty awkward, but maybe it's handled in the music. I'm surprised how many times something looks strange on paper but works fine in the song.
Verse 1 is really strong, IMO, other than the "wars or rumors". Unless the audience is familiar with the passage "there will be war and rumors of war" the "rumors" hanging on the end of the line just looks like you don't want there to be any rumors. Period. :^) Just something to keep in mind. It seems like it would work much better to just turn it around: "I don't wanna hear these rumors of war".
I'm pretty sure you're "preaching to the choir", as they say, in this case. That is, this is destined for a crowd that already knows and agrees with what you're saying. If that weren't the case, though, I'd say there's a lot of work to be done to make this connect with a broader audience.
Verse 2 doesn't hold up too well upon examination. It appears to be saying, "Even though I can do cool things, things are getting worse." No evidence in the verse of what's causing this. The third line, in particular, seems disjointed from the lead-in given by the first two lines.
The five-line chorus looks unbalanced. Not sure how you handle this musically. A lot is jammed into a very small space here.
The chorus, rather than summing up the verses, is trying to present the Gospel in four lines (with one repeated). Not good song structure, in my opinion. It would make more sense to focus on the theme of the song -- "things will only get worse up to the end" -- than try to stick this entire message into a few lines. IMO, makes for a bad chorus and cheapens the message.
{Begin Rant} -- I think one of the traps we songwriters can fall into is assuming that the listener knows what we're talking about. This makes for weak songs. Secular songwriters get brought up short fairly quickly when they make this mistake; the audience just goes "huh?" Sacred songwriters can be very sloppy in this area and still get by. Why? Because the audience is pretty sure what the song is going to say, what its point of view is, and there's a shared common knowledge between the songwriter and his/her audience. So, a lot of really mediocre songs get written and are received with lukewarm praise. If you really want GOOD songs, sacred or secular, you can't afford to lean on the crutch of the audience's shared knowledge. The song should stand on its own -- sacred or secular.
Frankly, I'm embarrassed many times by the junk that we Christians slop out there. And, to add insult to injury, we're often arrogant enough to be offended when someone criticizes the mechanics of the song and doesn't focus on the message. (I don't mean you here, Michael -- you've always accepted feedback graciously). Well, how are they supposed to get the message if the mechanics are so bad that they're in the way? I'd like to see these songs held to a higher standard than a commercial song, not lower. Unfortunately that's not the case most of the time.
In other words, if we're writing a sacred song, we should take to heart that we are to examine good songwriting of all kinds to find "whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy". {End of Rant}
I think I'll stop there. I've embarrassed myself enough for one day.
-- James
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Subject: Re:Up to...the Time of the End: Please review
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
Just wanted to make sure that everyone knew that the rant had nothing to do with Michael's song. Sorry about that, Michael. I was talking in general. I just got springboarded onto my soapbox there somehow.
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Subject: Re:Up to...the Time of the End: Please review
Posted by: sunray99 |
Mike? is that you?
Mike the Beatles fanatic?
Mike from Humber?
It's me Ray. Do ya remember me?
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