Subject: An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: old_dan |
I've posted this before. Probably post it again. 
Liana gave me a title for it the first time and my wife gave me another title the other day. I have to use my wife's title as the main one  but put Liana's in parens. 
It's about my mom and I started writing it a year after she died in 95. So it's easily the longest song I've ever written.
I have some music for it, to listen click here It's not the best, first of all the vocals should be pretty and I ain't pretty. Plus the timing is a little ragged here and there. But it should give you a basic idea of what I want to do. Oh, and I mixed up the first line ~sigh~, what's written here is the latest.
Emma's song (Somewhere Singing)
There's rain outside my window, guitar lays on the floor.
The song she was singing I can't hear it anymore.
But there's singing somewhere I know.
When the day lies sleepy and the sun hides from the sky,
When the song of the wind feels like a lullaby,
I think of places I've gone and things I have seen
Lovers I've known, friends and family.
I have seen the desert sun and felt the oceans breeze.
listened to the quiet song beneath the evergreens,
and there's singing somewhere I know.
When the day lies sleepy and the sun hides from the sky,
When the song of the wind feels like a lullaby,
I think of mountains I've climbed and rivers I've crossed,
How you could find me whenever I was lost.
But the rivers will all dry up and the mountains will all fall down,
flowers will fail to bloom and join you in the ground.
I will still plant roses, maybe yet this spring.
I will watch the robins fly and listen to them sing,
and they're singing somewhere I know. |
Subject: Re:An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
The lyrics are beautiful, Dan. They brought tears to my eyes. Very moving.
It's an interesting construction -- uneven section lengths, but it sounds OK when I listen to it. I think the "A" section matches the mood of the lyrics better than the second section. I didn't really like the accordian line -- I found it distracting from the words. But then, I'm a words guy, so you have to take all that in mind.
Has your family heard this song? I'm sure it would be a blessing and a comfort.
I just got back from a trip to Utah where a friend of mine, a singer/songwriter, got to sing a song in concert to his grandmother that he wrote about her. I had chills up my spine in verse one and tears in my eyes by the end. The audience stood and applauded the grandmother, and she was overwhelmed. It was a moment I'll never forget.
Our songs can really do some good for the ones we love. I want to remember that lesson as long as I live.
-- James |
Subject: Re:An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: DanGray |
I think you've got a winner in the works here. Many beautiful and poignant sentiments. I would have only one critique and that is that I kept waiting for the hook to be reiterated. You've set it up beautifully. Pick the overriding sentiment and use it for the hook. To me, it's something like this
I think of places I've gone and things I have seen
Lovers I've known, friends and family.
*I will still plant roses, maybe yet this spring. (these two lines maybe should change during the course of the chorus - progressing the story)
*I will watch the robins fly and listen to them sing,
and they're singing somewhere I know
(and here is where I'd put the hook)
ideas:
Blessings from the heavens, showered down below
or
memories of the road I've taken, touched by so many souls
(anyway, you get the idea.)
I really wanted to sing along, but after two times through, I still couldn't find a place to jump in and sing with you.
Good luck Dan, the music btw is perfectly matched to the Lyric. Nice prosody.
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Subject: Re:An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
Hmm... interesting, DanG. I thought the hook was already there -- "there's singing somewhere I know." Maybe I missed something. How does this not function as a hook for you?
I'm always open to picking up new techniques and approaches. I could use some insight on this one. Is it because it's a fairly subtle image that you'd recommend a more straightforward hook?
-- James
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Subject: Re:An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: Joe |
Or (Somewhere I know). ~Joe
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Subject: Re:An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: old_dan |
Great thoughts folks. I'd love to respond but right now I have a migrane.  First one I've ever had in my life. Just got back from the doc, thought I was having a stroke  I'm going to go lay down............ I'll think about all the stuff while I sleep |
Subject: Re:An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: Joe |
Quote from: old dan on July 24, 2002, 12:14 PM
Great thoughts folks. I'd love to respond but right now I have a migrane. First one I've ever had in my life. Just got back from the doc, thought I was having a stroke I'm going to go lay down............ I'll think about all the stuff while I sleep
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Oh no, that's not good... go lay down and rest dude (drink water)... I hope your ok. ~Joe |
Subject: Re:An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
Really sorry to hear about the migraine, Dan. They run in my family. All that works for me is a cool, dark room and a little time to crash. Taking a whacking big dose of Excedrin just when it hits can also lessen the pain, at least in my experience. Got that tip from a neurologist -- God bless his soul. He had migraines, too, and said that he took four Excedrin as soon as it started to hit. Doesn't stop it -- nothing seems to -- but shortens the episode.
Hope it's just a one-time thing. There are people who only get one or two in their lifetime. May it be you.
-- James |
Subject: Re:An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: old_dan |
Ok, all better :thumbsup:
First of all James, thanks for kind words. Didn't mean to make you cry :cry: But the song moves me too. As far as the construction goes, this is my first attempt at more than 4 chords (I'm an old blues/folk guy). It actually started life as a poem. And I don't think that was an accordian. It was supposed to be strings.  Anyway that's what it said on my cheapo keyboard. Once again, thanks for your thoughts. And yes my family has heard it. Many times.
Next, Dan. 
First of all, I know exactly what you're talking about. The hook should be where the accordian/strings are. And James, the reason 'Singing somewhere I know' is not a great hook is it is more of a lead in. It's more of a question. And the next line (the hook) should answer the question. The problem is finding something that's not too sappy.  I did have 'Somewhere on higher ground'. But I think that's been used before and it really doesn't say what I want.
And I had to laugh when you said you couldn't find a place to jump in and sing. It's a pretty rough demo and the odds of my vocals reaming the same are slim to none. What I did was I watched the wav form in Quartz and started singing where I thought I should.  I had the computer set up wrong and couldn't hear and record at the same time. So my timing is basically 'close'. btw, what's prosody?
And Joe, not sure about changing the music. Took me long enough to come up with what I have. I do like the idea of repitition tho. It may be overused but it's still effective. With my voice tho once is enough. I still want someone with a good voice to do this song.
Once again, thanks everyone. I'm not sure it the link works right now. I've moved everything over to the new server and haven't set up the subdomians. Hopefully soon. :hippie: |
Subject: Re:An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: songstress51 |
hey Dan..
get that link working, I wanna hear this one. I think the lyric is extrodinary.
song |
Subject: Re:An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: Jt |
Hi Dan,
Touching song. I could relate to the loss. Really.
That notwithstanding, most people don't want to hear a song about personal loss, I think. Give me a 9/11 song about strangers... but don't sing to me about your Mom, for crying out loud! (My Rant!!!)
Anyway, this is a very personal song, which you've treated very personally. And very professionally. Nothing to critique here. Your vocals are fine, and fit the mood perfectly - noone else could do it. This is not a collab. type song - it's yours. Treasure it, and share it with friends (as you have) and family.
I haven't been as touched by a song in a long time - thanks for sharing it.
John
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Subject: Re:An old one, still working on it.
Posted by: old_dan |
Quote from: Jt on August 08, 2002, 08:45 PM
Hi Dan,<br><br>Touching song. I could relate to the loss. Really.<br /><br />That notwithstanding, most people don't want to hear a song about personal loss, I think. Give me a 9/11 song about strangers... but don't sing to me about your Mom, for crying out loud! (My Rant!!!)<br /><br />Anyway, this is a very personal song, which you've treated very personally. And very professionally. Nothing to critique here. Your vocals are fine, and fit the mood perfectly - noone else could do it. This is not a collab. type song - it's yours. Treasure it, and share it with friends (as you have) and family.<br /><br />I haven't been as touched by a song in a long time - thanks for sharing it.<br /><br />John<br />
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oh man, and I was going to sell it for a million bucks and retire.
Seriously, thanks for the listen. Personally I don't like my voice. I wish I had a voice like you or Dan. Actually I wish I had a voice like Songstres or Liana but that would be kinda wierd.
I think I will call this one done (for now) and record it as best I can. Then I'll put it up on my family website http://www.themonks.info (coming soon).
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