Subject: Heart of Darkness
Posted by: afhamm |
Any comments would be appreciated.
Heart of Darkness
By Andrew F. Hamm
Hammsongs LTD.
Left my home on the River Thames
For an old steamboat and a sweaty mane
Back to a place where there is no time
Just forever and never combined
Going in to the Heart of Darkness
Up the river la de do
Searching for Marlon Brando
And the reason that made us go
Now man has to have his money
Just as surely as I want mine too
But it's amazzing that we call it progress
And how much damage we can do
(chorus)
Now I'm in the deepest darkness
Not scared, not overconfident
And I see what genius brings
And it makes me sick but it makes me think
About the folks on the River Thames
Flower shops and ice cream stands
With a cop on every corner
Safe at night in their sheer boredom
They'll never know what this land harbors
About the shame, the fear, the horror
(chorus) |
Subject: Re: Heart of Darkness
Posted by: TampaStan |
HI Andrew!
Was Expectin' a Lot MORE "Jungle Description" from ya after readin' that JOSEPH CONRAD Title you Borrowed....
Do LIKE the "Forever & Never Combined" Line... "La de Do" seems pretty WEAK for a River Name, just to Rhyme it offa Brando, too! (What's Brando got to do with The Amazon..or Africa, Anyways?)
Maybe "It's amazing WHEN we call THAT Progress" for Line 3, next Pretty Interesting, Well-Written Verse? You laid out what "IT" is in the Previous 2 Lines..so call it ""THAT" and it'll sing Tighter, JMO, Natch...;-)>
Song's Conclusion leaves me with a MOOT Feeling...Think the Folks back in Merry Old England DO Still Know "Shame, Fear..And Horror"..(even WITH a Cop on Every Corner)...AND you haven't Previously Mentioned or Prepared Us for this Condition Being IN this "Heart-of-Darkness" Locale---Wherever it Actually IS... {I don't recall any "Shame" coming out of Conrad's Jungly Narratives...tho the "Fear & Horror" hid behind MANY a Beautiful Tropical Setting of His!}
Overall, I like what you've Started Here, seems a Few Brush-Strokes Away from Finishing The Picture.
Good Luck with It,
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan |
Subject: Re: Heart of Darkness
Posted by: afhamm |
Thanks for the feedback. I especially liked the suggestion on the second verse.
Just to clarify things on the chorus: I originally had it "Up the river we shall go" and then "Up the river we will go" but opted for the "la de do" in the end. That's not the name of the river. I was trying to get a sense of care-free and look again for adventure, the ideal being to set that off by the last verse where "it makes me sick, but, etc. etc." and the finish, "the shame, the fear, the horror."
The Marlon Brando reference was to "Apocolyepse Now" (excuse the spelling) which was a takeoff on Conrad's "Heart of Darkness" It's just suppose to be coy and a little funny.
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