Subject: revised version of worryin fuss, plz take a gander
Posted by: countrysinginfool |
whew its been a long time since ive been on here.
i moved to wyoming and just been workin so much havent had much time to talk.
all comments and critique's are appriciated thanks,
sean.
Title: Worryin fuss
Copyright 2002
Sean Kelly
All Rights Reserved
The house ain't ours for twenty more years
The car ain't ours for three
The kids are growin out of all of their clothes
And everythings ridin on me
When we got hitched we made the vows
And so far we've kept up
But life is gettin harder now
I'm afraid somethin's gonna bust
Chorus:
So hold me while I mumble and shake
hush me when i fuss
Cause I don't mean to be mean to you
when I'm a worryin cuss
I'm tryin hard to find a way to put my troubles aside
To get over the worryin and back to lovin the Angel
I took for my Bride
I don't know how you put up with me
The way I come home from work
I take out on you all my worries
And I know darlin its gotta hurt
But don't think I've stopped lovin you
And don't think I ever will
some times the gears just start to whine
From tryin to get us up this hill
Repeat Chorus
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Subject: Re:revised version of worryin fuss, plz take a gander
Posted by: Jt |
Hi Sean,
Welcome back. Hey, this is really good. I had a bit of trouble with the metre at the end of the chorus - but if you have music in mind, it no doubt works.
Great job! |
Subject: Re:revised version of worryin fuss, plz take a gander
Posted by: jwitheriterieg |
| Good interpretation of the concept here. Lyrics are my weak point, but I know good ones when I see them. These'll work well. |
Subject: Re:revised version of worryin fuss, plz take a gander
Posted by: jamesbmitchell |
Nice to see you (and this song) again, Sean. Hope you're enjoying Montana.
I guess I'll just add my vote to the others -- really liked the verses, found the chorus just too wordy and long.
First verse is just classic, in my opinion. Simple, direct, to the point.
I'd like to see the chorus have the same directness. The last line in the chorus should really be a summation of the thought. It's almost like the lines in the chorus should be swapped so that "worrying cuss" ends up in the "power position" of the final line. Just a thought.
You might consider dropping any developmental stuff from the chorus, too, Sean. I don't think that's a good place to put it, IMO. The "I've been trying hard" idea really belongs in the verse, I think.
Something shorter, even repeated, for the chorus, would work better, I think. Even something like:
So hold me while I mumble
and hush me when i fuss
Cause I don't mean to be mean to you
I'm just a worryin cuss
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