Subject: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Big_D |
I've finished these lyrics and put them to music which I'll post when the recording is complete. I've never posted here so I really don't know what to expect. The lyrics do fit the music nicely which is kind of a metal sound. Not normally what I would write.
You Won’t Find It Here
By Douglas Deierlein
Copyright 2002
Woke up this morning Starts like any other day
Can’t know at the time Life will never stay this way
Then I turned around When a friend came by to say
Planes are going down I looked, I couldn’t turn away
Chorus
Where we will be in the morning Where will we be next year
Where can we find an answer You won’t find it here
Sometimes I wonder why So many people have to die
In the name of god They kill and say they’re justified
It makes you realize They’re using god as a disguise
Don’t it make you wonder
Where will we be in the morning Where will we be next year
Where can we find an answer You won’t find it here
Al Qaeda’s plundering The lives of people they don’t know
Your price for paradise Is pain and death, to you it’s show
Can’t you see the truth It’s not your god it’s really you
We can’t go on this way Or we won’t make another day
Where will we be in the morning Where will we be next year
Where can we find an answer You find it here won’t
No no you won’t find it here
I’m tellin’ you you won’t find it here
I’ve looked and looked you won’t find it here
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Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: old_dan |
Nice Doug, like the concept. A couple of the lines seemed a little forced but can't really tell without hearing the music. but here's my iput fwiw.
You Won’t Find It Here
By Douglas Deierlein
Copyright 2002
Woke up this morning
Starts like any other day
Can’t know at the time
Life will never stay this way
maybe change Can't to didn't?
Then I turned around
When a friend came by to say
Planes are going down
I looked, I couldn’t turn away
very good line, pretty universal feeling
Chorus
Where we will be in the morning
Where will we be next year
Where can we find an answer
You won’t find it here
Sometimes I wonder why
So many people have to die
In the name of god
They kill and say they’re justified
'They kill and say they're justified' is real close to cliche land. 
It makes you realize
They’re using god as a disguise
Don’t it make you wonder
Where will we be in the morning
Where will we be next year
Where can we find an answer
You won’t find it here
Al Qaeda’s plundering
The lives of people they don’t know
Your price for paradise
Is pain and death, to you it’s show
this line seems a little clunky.
Can’t you see the truth
It’s not your god it’s really you
We can’t go on this way
Or we won’t make another day
Where will we be in the morning
Where will we be next year
Where can we find an answer
You won’t find it here
No no you won’t find it here
I’m tellin’ you you won’t find it here
I’ve looked and looked
you won’t find it here
excellent ending. Really drives home the point.
Looking forward to hearing the music. Kind of metal? I think you can do it and more importantly that would fit. |
Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Big_D |
| Thanks for imput Dan. The lines were tough because musically, in the verses, after the first line the time between the first word in the next line and the last word from the previous line is very brief making multisyllable words a difficult fit. They write well on paper but don't hold up when singing the song. Chord structure is Am F C G on the verses and Dm G on chorus. When you hear it you'll know what I mean. When I get a better working demo I'll send you an mp3 |
Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Cecil DiGiovanni |
The reason why "I looked, I couldn't turn away" works so well is because it seems to refer simultaneously to the way we couldn't take our eyes off our televisions AND the fact that it is impossible to avoid trying to puzzle out this situation (futile as it seems).
I agree about changing
Can’t know at the time
Life will never stay this way
although I think I might change the tenses and say "couldn't" instead of "didn't" (if the meter will bear that).
And "to you it’s show" does limp awkwardly--and I'm not sure exactly what it means.
In short, I agree with everything Dan says, including the good stuff. Record it!
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Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Big_D |
| Thanks for your comments Cecil. The "to you its show" line refers to the Bin Laden video where he was talking to the Saudi sheik. My impression of the video was that they were sitting around critiquing the bombing as if were a movie, laughing, and making comments about how what they saw exceeded their expectations. The "Can't know at the time" line was really supposed to be "Don't know at the time". The problem with a mutlisyllable first word, which I had originally tried, is that the music doesn't seem to leave space for it. I'll keep trying. I've sent a rough recording to Dan but don't know how to post a recording to recording board. The interesting and vulnerable thing about this song is that everyone is aware of the event which certainly qualifies them more to comment on it as we all saw the same thing. |
Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Big D |
Dan and Cecil, does this revision make sense?
Al Qaeda’s plundering The lives of people they don’t know
Your price for paradise Is to die with imagined foes
Can’t you see the truth It’s not your god it’s really you
We can’t go on this way Or we won’t make another day
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Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Kevin |
Quote:Where will we be in the morning
Where will we be next year
Where can we find an answer
You won’t find it here
|
Hey Big D! Nice song. I think all of us frustrated artists need a 9-11 song to salve the soul..........
In my humble opinon, the line "Where can we find an answer" seem cliche' to me.
I don't know if a direct replacement could be used. You may have to repace both "Where can we find an answer" and "You won't find it here" I don't have a suggested replacement. I'll think on it. Unless of course you like it just fine then keep it. |
Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Big_D |
| Thanks for imput Kevin. That's not a part of the song that I had thought of reconstructing but you can bet that I'll give it a lot of thought and if something better comes along I'll use it. |
Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Big_D |
I think I've decided on this line change:
Al Qaeda’s plundering The lives of people they don’t know
Your price for paradise A fiery death with imagined foes
Hope to have it all done and recorded within a week. No point in TP it. |
Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: old dan(tl2li) |
| I like it Doug, much better. Flows better and is more descriptive. Can't wait to hear this one. |
Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Kevin |
Quote:| Thanks for imput Kevin. That's not a part of the song that I had thought of reconstructing but you can bet that I'll give it a lot of thought and if something better comes along I'll use it. |
OKAY! It's looking good. I'll do the VOX on this tune if you like! |
Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Big D |
Kevin, if we do a Sub on it I think you would do a great, let it all hang out, angry vocal. I could send you a demo with vocals to get the feel of what it is to sound like, one with music only, and one with music w/o drums and maybe Steve could put a real drum track to it. As the drums begin after the first measure of guitar intro they would be easy to add. Give it some thought. Oh and I changed the line one last time to:
Al Qaeda’s plundering The lives of people they don’t know
Your price for paradise Is fiery death with phantom foes
Can’t you see the truth It’s not your god it’s really you
We can’t go on this way Or we won’t make another day
Imagined was too much of a squeeze.
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Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Kevin |
Quote:| Kevin, if we do a Sub on it I think you would do a great, let it all hang out, angry vocal. I could send you a demo with vocals to get the feel of what it is to sound like, one with music only, and one with music w/o drums and maybe Steve could put a real drum track to it. As the drums begin after the first measure of guitar intro they would be easy to add. |
OK Let's do it! SubT or not! Send me the stuff!
I posted your SubT Idea....... let's see if we get any interest... |
Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Big_D |
Quote:
OK Let's do it! SubT or not! Send me the stuff!
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Kevin, I sent a draft last night. Not completed but will give you an idea of arrangement. |
Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Kevin |
| I'll look for it Big D! ;) |
Subject: Re: Song about 9-11
Posted by: Kevin |
I just finished singing a demo of this song last night and sent an mp3 to Doug for his approval of how I conceived the emotional portion of my performance. Doug wrote a killer tune here folks, no doubt about it. It really reminded me that reading just the lyrics of a song is sometimes WAY out of context to what the song really is without the music.
When I sang this I could feel the emotion ooze out of me. The more I practice it, more heart pours out. I hope you folks get a chance to hear it.
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