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Return to: Archives · The Freedom Exchange Subject: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You Posted by: pafaustine Congrats on the move, Dan! This looks like a fine home for the Freedom Exchange! Here's one to get me started (and to try out some board features). If I did this right, clicking on the title should kick off the RA stream. All comments welcome! AND AS FOR YOU ©Bob Pladek/Paul Faustine VERSE 1 Pretty lady, pretty evening gown Whatcha lookin for this part of town You got company, but still alone Tonight my song is free Seen your type cross my path before Need to feed your dark side just once more And who can tell, maybe this one passion Could turn love as well CHORUS And as for you Keep on movin up that road I won’t catch up to you And here I’ll be Trying to determine What’s become of you and me VERSE 2 Tell me what you want to of your life Mother daughter sister lover wife And tell me how the person that was you Got lost ‘til now Your eyes speak of a gentler time Lines were smoother, life a simpler rhyme Now you’re here exposed, it’s not your skin But you you fear CHORUS VERSE 3 Hey I’ll dance with you in failing light Fumble with your name all night After all, what’s one more body Matter in a fall God she sleeps so peacefully Slides between the sheets so easily Tousled hair, all her own work though My fingers weren’t there CHORUS And as for you Keep on movin up that road I won’t catch up to you And here I’ll be Trying to determine What’s become of you and me Yes here I’ll be Writing songs and thinking hard of What’s become of you and me Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You Posted by: DanGray All I wanna do is play guitar like you (Bob) and Tom Guertin, now, is that askin' too much? I ask ya! hehe  This is classic Faustine/Pladek.  I got the feeling I wanted to hear a bridge somewhere, but the softer treatment of the last verse sort of stands in that way.  Still, I wanted it!  A nice story from a troubador to someone who needs a love song... nice idea.  I've made a few comments throughout.  In general, I like the artistic nature, but I still think I'd personally prefer to have some of it cleared up a tidge for the style. of course, it's all one man's opinion. Great to see ya Paul! VERSE 1 Pretty lady, pretty evening gown *was thinking "Hey" at the beginning second time through listening to it - makes it more personal and conversational I think* Whatcha lookin for this part of town You got company, but still alone *without saying "you're still alone" I'm waiting for something else about HER here* Seen your type cross my path before Need to feed your dark side just once more And who can tell, maybe this one passion Could turn love as well *turn "to" love?* CHORUS And as for you Keep on movin up that road I won’t catch up to you And here I’ll be Trying to determine What’s become of you and me *OK, so now its someone you know?  that confuses me a bit, I thought it was a stranger til now* VERSE 2 Tell me what you want to of your life Mother daughter sister lover wife And tell me how the person that was you Got lost ‘til now *not bad, but the last two lines might be more conversational* Your eyes speak of a gentler time Lines were smoother, life a simpler rhyme Now you’re here exposed, it’s not your skin But you you fear *interesting double entendre, I like it I think* CHORUS VERSE 3 Hey I’ll dance with you in failing light Fumble with your name all night After all, what’s one more body Matter in a fall I like God she sleeps so peacefully Slides between the sheets so easily Tousled hair, all her own work though My fingers weren’t there *ya lost me my friend.  You're in bed, now you're not... hmmm* Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You Posted by: Jt Hi Paul, I love the music and presentation on this song.  But I had some trouble understanding just exactly who the "singee" was... like a one-night-stand or a long relationship?  Verse 1 lead me to the former conclusion, then verse two (which I loved) led me to the latter...  then verse three (which was really cool) left me totally confused :-) Its probably just that I'm totally dense, or that you've left things ambiguious on purpose. Anyway, I enjoyed the listen. Good work. John Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You Posted by: DGR Very nice playing, and some unique phrasing as well.  Like Dan, I think the song would have benefitted from a more "official" sounding Bridge, but a fine effort nonetheless ... very original. Don Rowe Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You Posted by: Curtis Cameron Hi Paul, I especially like the opening verse here. It paints a nice clear picture of the things. Just a few matters of "flow" that struck me as I read, and I've made a few suggestions below, also fixing what seemed to be one, perhaps two, typos. VERSE 1 Pretty lady, pretty evening gown Whatcha lookin for IN this part of town You got company, YET YOU'RE still alone YEAH, tonight my song is free Your type HAS crossed my path before You need to feed your dark side, just once more And who can tell, maybe this one passion Could turn TO love as well Hmmm, the chorus here seems to leave the listener a bit lost... I'm not sure who "You" is. Is it the pretty lady? And why does the singer, who seems to be attracted to her in the opening verse want her to keep moving up the road? CHORUS And as for you Keep on movin up that road I won’t catch up to you And here I’ll be Trying to determine What’s become of you and me VERSE 2 Tell me what you LIKE, TELL me of your life Mother, daughter, sister, LONELY lover, wife And tell me how the person that was you Got lost ‘til now Your eyes speak of a gentler time Lines were smoother, life a simpler rhyme Now you’re NAKED here, it’s not your skin I FEEL YOUR fear CHORUS VERSE 3 YES, I’ll dance with you in failing light Fumble with your name all night After all, what’s one more body Matter in a fall (Not exactly sure what this means here, then again...I'm not exactly sure I need to). Hmmm, I really like the imagery on this next part and the "scene" it paints, but the sudden change in point of view doesn't seem to work for me. I think it might work if it were a bridge, but here I think it would work better if you could somehow make it present this from the same point of view as the rest of song. (The song starts out singing TOO the singee, but this stanza sings ABOUT the singee.) God she sleeps so peacefully Slides between the sheets so easily Tousled hair, all her own work though My fingers weren’t there Yes here I’ll be Writing songs and thinking hard of What’s become of you and me I love these last lines. They are so nice. In fact I like the song as a whole, except the two main things I mention; the chorus seems a bit disconnected, and the last part of the last verse takes a different direction. Hope you don't mind the minor suggestions in the lines. Not sure if they'll work for you or not. I made the change in the first line of verse two to coincide with the repetitive theme you started in V1, but I couldn't swing it in V3. Season to taste and keep or sweep as you like. Nice stuff Paul, Curtis

Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You Posted by: Curtis Cameron

Hi Again, Well, I went back and read the other reviews and gave the RA a listen. I wanted to look at the lyric first before I did that so as not to prejudice my view. Dan hit on the description that I was searching for in this lyric. he really nailed the essence that I like about it and that is; it's "artistic" in it's approach, and I appreciate that. The music and vocal delivery do a lot to smooth out the areas I commented on. Now listening to the RA (again), I love the opening lines and verse again. I'm not sure if my suggestions would fit as they lengthen things syllabically (actual word?).  :P Again though, the chorus seems to take a bit of a left turn. The title and hook just don't seem to mesh with the verses. SOUNDS good though! Curtis

Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You Posted by: Melanie Myers

Paul,  How ya been?  I don't know if you're taking critiques on this but, I saw this and just had to read it!  Fav, Verse....Seen your type cross my path before Need to feed your dark side just once more And who can tell, maybe this one passion Could turn love as well"  And, particularly liked the word play "but, you you fear."  But, I just had to call you on the "life a simple rhyme" line since, you got me last time.  I think that perhaps here: Your eyes speak of a gentler time Lines were smoother, life a simpler rhyme Now you’re NAKED here, it’s not your skin I FEEL YOUR fear one of those half-assed rhymes might have worked better in the second line(imho) perhaps, the wrinkles "were harder to find"?..dunno but, you know what I mean? I really like the picture the following lines provoke God she sleeps so peacefully Slides between the sheets so easily Tousled hair, all her own work though My fingers weren’t there but, I didn't get the last line.  NOT that, that means anything there's a lot of things I don't get. hah!  I think it means her hairs messed up from sleeping and probably the line is intended to convey that he didn't have sex with her but, I'm not sure?  Is that what is meant? Did he have sex with her Paul, huh?..huh? did he?....*smile Yours In Song Writing, Mel

Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You Posted by: glen (Guest)

Hey Paul: Even though I don't quite understand it, I like it, As always you manage to write in a cryptic manner that leaves the listener pondering what great truths you have just told us, that we didn't understand on our own.. Nice guitar work.  ::)  /Glen

Subject: Re: I'm signed up and ready! - And As For You Posted by: chadg

Hi Paul, Just listened this morning - liked the music and the presentation  very much ...nice guitar.  Yeah, some kinks - but stay true to your intentions and keep tweaking.  Please do post again if you re-write, re-record! Take care and thank you (I always enjoy listening to your stuff) chad

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