Home Home Articles Login Register


Previous Page

Freedom Exchange Forum Archives Click here to visit our Message Board

Return to: Archives · The Freedom Exchange
Subject: help?  I dont like my last verse
Posted by: Tom Taylor
Please help I cannot come up with a good last course for this song.The first two I like  and the one after the break is just ok but the whole last four lines seem to repeated to suit me .
give me input.

When its closing time at my favorite bar and im setting all alone
There is no one there to comfort me  or to take me home
There will always be a barstool          waiting just for me
Where the beer is just a dollar     and the heartaches are free

Yes the beer is just a dollar         and the heartaches are free
I go there quite often                    just to drown her menory
I dont have a lot of money       but I dont need much you see
Where the beer is just a dollar      and the heartaches are free

break

I guess I dont blame her         for the way shes treated me
and  if she wants to find me    she knows right where ill be
with my friend at my favorite bar      as happy as I can be
where the beer is just a dollar     and the heartaches are free

Yes the beer is just a dollar        and the heartaches are free
I meet all of my friends there      and they are good company
we dont need a lot of money      we're as happy as we can be
where the beer is just a dollar     and the heartaches are free

written; by tom taylor    PLEASE HELP ME ON THESE LAST
                                 FOUR LINES. I DONT LIKE IT AS
                                WRITTEN.

Subject: Re: help? I dont like my last verse
Posted by: Hobes
Okay Tom...

Well you've got to decide what happens next.  Does she come down there after him?  Since one line says "She knows where to find me", this seems like a logical scenario.  This would make the song uplifting in the end, so you've got to decide if this is how you want the song to travel.

If you don't have some sort of resolution planned, then two verses are enough.  Don't think you gotta have three...  

Or you could write a short bridge.  Give you a structure like ABABCB (verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus)  A bridge would be a great place to have her walk into the bar.  

Once you decide where you want the song to go, you'll be fine.  If it ain't going any further, I'd leave it at two verses - stick in an instrumental break after the second chorus and come back to the chorus when it's over.  If you're looking for a possible resolution, I'd highly recommend a bridge as the way to go.

hobes
The Freedom Exchange is copyright 2002, 2003 by Dan Gray
Please visit our active songwriting forums: The Recording Forums
Forum design and maintenance by Dan E. Monk
 Go to the top of the page